Nausea

I woke up last night at about 6 am feeling somewhat nauseous for reasons unknown for a few minutes. I went to the loo in the dark, and spat out some semi-vomit in small portions. There was no diarrhoea. I think I was somehow living out the following passage that I read at about 7 pm, about 12 hours ago before an audience, based on the topic I chose - "What the Hell am I Doing Here? : An Existential Investigation into the Meaning of Life."

I wrote that 10 years ago. Strange... was I hit by a stray remnant wave of a past existential crisis? Haunted by the past? Or my mind playing a trick? Or a "Freudian-Satrean Nausea-Slip", revealing my underlying dissatisfaction with my life? Maybe I woke up in the night and was shocked that I still existed! This is what I wrote and read:

"A feeling of nausea welled up in him and subsided - it reminded him of taking a train when he was a child with his family. He had felt a devastating wave of travel-sickness. He was sick of everything - even the beautiful scenery and his Mother's gentle coaxing did not help. He wished he was dead then. He wished he was dead right now. It wasn't exactly a deathwish - he only wished he never existed."

Today I'm observing the 8 precepts. Maybe the answer to the mystery will come to mind. Life is of much dissatisfactions - the First Noble Truth experienced rawly and suddenly. It's humbling - I don't know what form of suffering my karma can throw at me next. It's better to believe there are more waves of suffering about to hit me and cultivate my spirituality well. I know I still wish "I" didn't exist - but not in a suicidal way, but by death of my ego - Nirvana.